‘The Child Who Is Not Embraced By The Village’ And The Story Behind It

The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.’ 

I have come across this proverb several times, but for some reason, I couldn’t fully grasp the meaning. Only when Killmonger, in Black Panther, acted out these words to the letter did I realize the wisdom inside it. Society keeps wondering why more and more young people establish self-destructive behaviors and commit actions that further corrupt the environment in which they were born. We wonder. Well, this quote gives us the answer. 

Where did it come from, though? How does it play out in our daily lives, and most importantly, how to help someone feel “embraced”? Let’s discover with Jobandedu!

The Origin Of The Proverb

Several sources (including Goodreads, BBC News Africa, and The Atlantic) locate the phrase’s origin in Africa. More precisely, blogger John Swinburn claimed that it came from Ethiopia. Just like many proverbs labelled “African” on the internet, “The child who is not embraced by the village” does not have roots we can use to trace to a particular country or tribe. 

Some cultural aspects in Africa are relatable to the phrase” though. Many areas in the continent follow the village lifestyle and treasure community values. However, so far, there is no conclusive research showing the exact genesis of this phrase.

I always hesitate to attribute a specific aphorism to an entire continent, especially when there is not any specific reference that proves the genesis of that saying. Furthermore, as generation to generation passed the phrase down, it lost all of the cultural significance about the tribe or group it once belonged to. Just like Joel Goldberg wrote, at this point, it is more like a mix of “hallmark and folk sentiments”.

Interested in the origins of other phrases? Check out our College Life

What Does The Proverb Mean? 

African or not, “The child who is not embraced by the village” still reflects a social reality of mistreated and ignored people. 

Yes the phrase means that. It is not a misconception like how complex ‘Have A Good Day’ In French is.

“The child who is not embraced” – As human beings, we all desire acceptance. Infants need their parents to mirror their emotions so they can establish positive self-esteem. Nonetheless, some of us never feel embraced. Rejection, failure, disappointment, isolation, and self-doubt are all parts of life, but some people face them more than others. The feeling of rejection is painful for both children and adults. 

What does the proverb mean?
Regardless of age, we all want to be a part of the community – Source: Unsplash

Usually, we think family matters most when it comes to a child’s development. However, the phrase takes a step further. “…by the village…” indicates that the acceptance must come from the entire community. The network of interactions profoundly impacts a child’s growing process. In the modern-day, “the village” includes home, school, and extracurricular connections. 

Think about yourself for a moment. Did you feel welcomed by your educator and classmates on the first day of school? Did you ever search for Anything But A Cup Party Ideas? The way your teacher and mates greet you sets the tone not only for that day but for the entire year and possibly even your academic career as a whole. 

Think about the child who they constantly mock because of her sloppy shoes. Consider the young man who doesn’t know any table manners just because he hardly gets any bite when he comes home at the end of the day. Think of the child who grows up in criticism. 

“… will burn it down to feel its warmth” – At this point, the child who doesn’t know how it feels to be a part of the community can do everything to get the attention and affection he needs, even if it means destroying everything. It is easier for him to engage in violence because, since he doesn’t feel connected to people around him, he couldn’t understand the consequences of destruction. 

This phrase goes beyond ignored and mistreated youths. Any of us can be “the child” here. In your family, in the neighborhood, even at the workplace, we have endless opportunities to connect and accept people. We also have endless opportunities to dismiss and reject them. When you choose the latter, you wouldn’t know if their feelings would lead to unpleasant or destructive reactions. 

Similar quote
It takes a village similar quotes – Source: Unsplash

Similar to “The child who is not embraced by the village”, we have the ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ quotes, which Hillary Clinton referred to in the title of her 1996 book “It takes a village”. This phrase indicates that raising a kid is the whole society’s responsibility for its moral well-being. 

“The Child Who Is Not Embraced By The Village” In Cinema And Literature

Most die-hard fans of war-based or MCU blockbusters maybe similar to phrases like “The child who is not embraced by the village” or “Battle of Schrute Farms” (involving a tragic American battle).

Characters like Alara in The Orville, Killmonger, the antagonist of Black Panther, T’Challa’s nemesis, the one who made this phrase famous, is undoubtedly “the child who is not embraced by the village”. As a young boy, his uncle King T’Chaka killed his father. Later on, Killmonger’s mother also passed away in jail. He grew up with one sole goal: Making Wakanda people pay for what happened. 

The child who is not embraced by the village in cinema
Killmonger is one of the most tragic villains in MCU – Source: Junkee

Examples of this saying can as well present in the literature. Despite his angelic voice, Erik, “The Phantom Of The Opera, ” grew up in manipulation and rejection, particularly because people were so horrified by his look. Erik lost his ability to sympathize and preferred to assert his dominance over others in a brutal way. 

Murdering Joseph Buquet, planning numerous crimes at the Opera, and trying to eliminate Raoul all suggested his desire to seek vengeance on the society that dismissed him. Even toward Christine, the way Erik expressed feelings was also brutal and possessive. In the end, The Phantom Of The Opera only longed for affection instead of fear, hatred, and rejection. 

How Does This Phrase Play Out In Real Life? 

Let’s talk about real life then. In 2015, surveys from the National Institute Of Injustice showed that youth who often have histories characterized by past traumas and a lack of connections are more likely to commit violent offences. Most of them either grew up in dysfunctional families, suffered from mental illnesses yet didn’t receive any help, or were exhausted due to living in poverty. 

If you look at these cases, you shall know that anyone can be “the child who is not embraced by the village”:

The 2011 Summer Riot Of England

The child who is not embraced by the village - real life example
2011 Summer Riot – Source: Evening Standard

The 2011 Summer Riot Of England saw over 14,000 individuals, mostly poor and diminished, took to the streets looting stores, setting fires, and vandalized properties. They destroyed numerous buildings and wrecked neighborhoods. Five people died in the riot. It was a cry for help, as they were desperate with their situations. 

Youth Expelled From School 

Youth expelled from school - the child who is not embraced by the village
Expelling children can further damage their development – Source: Unsplash

Students who are feeling isolated from school can establish behaviors that result in their expulsion, youth advocate says. Possessing or distributing drugs, drinking alcohol, and taking weapons to school are some of the most notable ones. When kids and teenagers “burn the village” through these actions, the right solution is to properly embrace and pay attention to them. Expelling them from schools will just send them further away from the village, hence worsening the situation. 


This personal story proves that a dysfunctional family can lead to rebellion and delinquent behaviors. Alisa stole her dad’s car at the age of 13, then processed to smoking, taking drugs, and skipping classes. She got into more and more trouble until she joined a girl group’s home. Only there did she feel welcomed by the community and began to turn things around. As the “village” was then embracing her, Alisa no longer felt the desire to burn it down. 

How Do You Help Someone To Feel Connected?

So, how do you make people feel like they belong to the community? There are only two keys:

Firstly, acknowledge that everyone is different. People can be born and raised in different families with different structures and lifestyles. Each of us carries a unique set of beliefs and values passed down from our families, cultures, ethnic background, religion, and life experiences. Try to understand differences. 

Secondly, keep in mind that you can send attitude “messages” nonverbally. Even if you don’t notice, people can observe your nonverbal signal and read your attitude toward them. Instead of making judgments about someone you just meet, try getting to know them. Once you understand the person, it will be easier to respect and accept him or her. 

Final Thoughts

The child who is not embraced by the village - final thoughts
Embracing all differences will create a better community for all of us – Source: Unsplash

Just as the phrase indicates, the cost of failing to “embrace” people around us is high. Still, it is never too late for that. You can always create an environment that offers warmth, acceptance, and a sense of belonging, starting with your own home. 

Step by step, let’s take the phrase “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth” seriously and douse the fire we have started. 

Iris Vida

Well, Iris Vida is very into reading books from different eras, cultures, and anything that has been going viral lately, etc. Her passions can't be put in a few words only. Whether it's the "Jazz Age," a Neil Gaiman notable novel, the pitter-patter melodies of Taylor Swift's music, or anything else, she always sends the best materials to her top-notch writings, engaging all readers everywhere. Moreover, like Nick Carraway, who captured global attention with his rich and glamorous look, she leaves readers with a satisfying sense of wonder and an urge to learn more with her compelling writing style.