Breaking up is something no one wants and hard to predict. No matter how good a start or how tough a relationship is, love, which is something that cannot be quantified, can still change for many reasons. So, what are the reasons for break up? What to do with the end of a relationship? Let’s read on to find out the drivers this somewhat regrettable decision.
Table of Contents
Reasons To End A Relationship: Are They The Last Straw?
7 Tell-tale Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
One of the principal reasons for break up is to end a toxic relationship. Here are the signs of a toxic relationship that ruins yourself and your emotional well-being, including (but not limited to) the following:
Over Possession
An example of an isolating and overly possessive relationship is a man not letting his girlfriend hang out with her friends. He then gradually isolates her, leaving her entirely dependent on him.
But the reality is not as clear as that. For example, the man can start making unfavorable comments about his partner’s friends, like “Jane smokes a lot!” or “Tracy hangs out too much!”. Time flies, frustration accumulates, and it gradually makes the partner fall apart from their friends.
Reading this, I guess you may think you will be sane enough to recognize these signs. But believe me, you tend to normalize all behaviors from the partner you trust.
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Additionally, your possessive partner may have a habit of monitoring your phone and social accounts, tracking all messages, calls, and interactions on social media. While it may seem like a sign of closeness and emotional stability, things worsen when having a possessive lover. Little by little, you may overly depend on that person. Also, isolation will make it harder for you to build new relationships.
Toxic Communication
Actually, this sign is one of the most common reasons to end a relationship. Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of your conversations are full of sarcasm, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling. You may even start avoiding talking to each other.
According to Jeni Woodfin, LMFT, a therapist at J. Woodfin Counseling in San Jose, California, and Kamil Lewis, AMFT, a sex and relationship therapist in Southern California, here are several signs of hostile communication:
- Using blame statements
- Constantly interrupting
- Listening to reply instead of listening to understand your partner
- Yelling
- Calling names with hurtful phrases
- Smashing things
These reasons for break up are apparently reasonable and worth considering. Undoubtedly, toxic communication will gradually cause your self-esteem to plummet, making you self-deprecating. The negative energy from toxic conversations from this seemingly reliable person will eventually ruin your positive vibes.
In addition, prolonged unhealthy communication can even cause psychological trauma, leading to depression. More seriously, this can lead to physical violence.
Lack of Trust
If you are always suspicious and jealous, this is a warning sign for the deterioration of your relationship. Whether you are just jealous or your lover is actually doing something shady, the distrust still brings your relationship at a standstill.
Lack Of Love And Care
If your partner ignores your need, or the love and compromise come from you only, just stop. A relationship, if only based on one-sided effort, will never be happy. Indeed, love is the story of two people. So if you want to come to a happy ending, you both have to be aware of those reasons for break up and work hard to fix them.
You Are No Longer Yourself
Admittedly, you may not realize it, but those close to you will. It may be minor changes in the way you talk or the way you see and approach problems. Or it happens when you have to give up your habit or hobby. If this is the case, consider ending your relationship with your boyfriend right away because you cannot be happy when you are not yourself.
Repeated Breakups
Needless to say, breaking up and getting back once or twice is acceptable. However, if it repeats too many times, your relationship merely turns out to be a habit or a vicious cycle of emotion. This irregular cycle marks boredom in a relationship.
My advice is not to desperately hold onto a relationship like this. Let’s break away from these repeated breakups.
Betrayal
It is absurd if your partner says he still loves you but flirts a lot and even has a FWB or ONS, right? Break up immediately, as these are definitely not the actions of someone who already has a lover, right?
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When You Still Love Them, But The Final Decision Is The Same
Having a toxic relationship is one of many reasons for break up. In fact, many couples who still have feelings for each other still have to say goodbye and no longer consider each other as soulmates. As awkward-sounding as it may be, love is not the only factor maintaining a relationship. Let’s find out other reasons to break up with someone you love out there.
You Two Do Not Share The Same Goals
Some couples have opposite plans for the future, even though their affections for each other are still warm. However, when both life goals are too different, they may not come to a happy ending.
Let me give you a typical example of 2 WWE superstars, namely John Cena and Nikki Bella. Once, people were jealous and considered them one of the most beautiful and famous couples in American wrestling. They met each other while working in the world’s largest wrestling company named WWE. Back then, they used to live together for a long time, then got engaged.
Even John Cena once knelt down to propose to Nikki Bella at the ring of WWE’s biggest event of 2017 – WrestleMania 33. To everyone’s astonishment, the couple then broke up one year later, though they still love and respect each other. So, what are the reasons for break up a seemingly lasting relationship like this?
Many famous newspapers have guessed that the couple broke up because they were not in the same direction. More specifically, John Cena had never wanted to get married before (I do not know what made him decide to propose at WrestleMania either), and he always does not want to have children.
Meanwhile, Bella always craves to be a mother, especially when she and her twin sister Brie Bella raised Brie’s daughter. They have mentioned this conflict several times on the reality show Total Bellas. Finally, the couple broke up amicably.
After all, love is not the only factor determining a healthy and lasting relationship.
Family and Friends’ Pressure
Unfortunately, I frequently encounter situations in which a person quits their relationship with someone they love because their family or friends do not approve. This situation is one of the most common reasons to break up with someone you love.
Sometimes family members realize things that someone in love cannot (because they believe they have already experienced it and can sense the bad ending). Conversely, friends or family members may dislike your significant other for no apparent reason in some cases.
Of course, their opinions are crucial, but they should never be the determining factors and the primary reasons to break up with someone you love. This is your life, and you take the responsibility to think for yourself.
Our recommendation in this situation is, if there is a specific reason why they dislike your partner, pay attention to figure out whether it matters or not. Because love is blind, so keep an eye out.
How to Break Up Respectfully: Break-up Dos and Don’ts
Hope you will be alright and have thought thoroughly to reach the final decision of breakup. Once you have made up your mind to end the current relationship, we have some suggestions for a respectful and amicable separation.
Of course, there will not be any one-size-fits-all approach to end a relationship. As a sane outsider, I can only offer advice for a peaceful and respectful breakup. Apply the following rules appropriately to your situation, and put an end to what has to end.
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Stick to Your Decision
Before reaching this final decision, you need to think carefully about the reasons for the breakup. The careful consideration and preparation will also help you deal with scenarios that may happen.
For example, you can anticipate what your partner will say to distract from the separation or make you doubt your decision. Once you have decided to end the relationship, do not hesitate.
Pick An Appropriate Place
Obviously, there is no right location for this kind of conversation. I recommend putting yourself in your ex’s shoes to determine where they want to receive the news.
Just bear in mind that locations with high distractions, such as a restaurant with loud music, are usually not suitable selections. Also, avoid choosing public places. Who wants to hear the breakup news and have to try to control an emotional outburst? Instead, pick a quiet and private location.
However, this is only applicable if you feel safe. If you are concerned about what your partner could do, put your own safety first and arrange to meet in public, such as in a park or somewhere your friend is waiting nearby.
Say It In Person
I agree that saying goodbye face-to-face to your partner is a huge psychological challenge. But the two of you have spent precious time together, so show your respect and courtesy by ending the relationship in person. If you are far away, try to make a video or voice call rather than just texting.
Be honest, even if it is a goodbye. Do not be silent and disappear for no reason. Do not let your ex have to hear this from anyone other than you. That impoliteness will make your ex feel lost and disrespected, not to mention tarnishing your image in the eyes of others.
Be Honest, But Not Criticize
Hide or deny? Please don’t. Why not talk about the joy you have when accompanying them? Next, be honest about why you do not want to maintain this relationship anymore.
Also, the ultimate taboo after a breakup is criticizing and slandering each other. Therefore, avoid bringing up your ex’s flaws and blame them for your decision.
You Have Made The Final Decision to End Your Relationship. What’s Next?
The breakup had just happened, with a mix of emotions still intense. The recovery can be difficult at first, but time heals all wounds. Sadness flies away on the wings of time, so you should learn to accept that pain. Do not deny or suppress your feelings or pretend you are okay.
Sometimes God breaks your heart to save your soul. From a practical perspective, a breakup is the beginning of a new life, possibly with a new and more suitable person. So, try to forget all the old memories you had together, all reasons for break up. Why not plan to go out with close friends to stop your sorrow? Or, how about picking a new book or starting a new healthy habit? Most importantly, take care of yourself more. Always love yourself as much as you want to be loved.
Here are 7 common stages after the end of a relationship. What stage are you in? Please share with Jobandedu. Also, visit our College Life section if you want to read more on mental and emotional healing.
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