“Should I block my ex?”
If that’s the question you are bearing in mind now, you are not alone. Social media has managed to drastically change every aspect of our lives: Business, travel, art, dating, and of course, even heartbreak.
Before Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, or any other platform exist, breaking up was rather, well, less complicated. We didn’t have the option of scrolling down our exes’ profiles to see how they were doing, where they’d been to, or whether they were seeing anyone. We couldn’t check our phones once every five minutes to see if they were online and guess who they were texting with. Nowadays, we just can’t stop ourselves from doing so, even though we all know there won’t be anything pleasant.
This is not something to feel guilty about. Curiosity is a part of human nature, especially when it comes to the person we used to love. However, it can sometimes get out of hand. If your curiosity is bordering on obsession, you might consider blocking your ex as a way to retain peace of mind.
We are facing a matter that is worth considering carefully. Once you hit the block button, it is final. There is no going back, which is scary. Finality is always scary. We need to make sure that your decision will certainly make you feel better instead of leaving you regretful for the rest of your life.
‘Should I Block My Ex?’ – A Few Things To Consider
Should I Block My Ex? – Source: Unsplash
Before you cut off all ties with an ex (on social media at least), I hope you can stop for a moment and go through these questions. No matter how considerate you are, blocking an ex is still a hard choice – that’s something I cannot sugarcoat. Still, the below tips shall eliminate any anguish that can arise later on and save you from staying up until 3 AM questioning your past moves.
What Is The Goal?
If you find yourself wondering ‘Should I block my ex?’, it is important to figure out why you want to do it. Do you want to get back your long-lost inner peace, detoxify your mind from the thoughts of him, and start focusing on yourself? Well then, blocking your ex might be what you need to recover from the pain and move on.
Many people tend to forget themselves after breakups and even forget about their own values. In the worst case, they blame themselves, thinking that all of their personal shortcomings led to the downfall of the relationships. They jump into an assumption that they are not worthy or lovable. This is further highlighted when they bump into details about their exes’ after the separation. At this point, they are tricked to believe their past lovers are much happier without their existence.
So, if you want to stay away from your ex to rebuild your confidence and get a breath of fresh air, go ahead. Don’t worry about coming off as bitter or resentful because what your ex thinks right now does not matter anymore. You and your mental health should be put on top priority.
On the other hand, if you just want to play mind games and make him regret losing you, think twice. This is certainly not the best way to seek reconciliation, as it sends a strong signal of “I don’t ever want to see you again”. How does a guy feel when you block him? He will most likely take the signal as it is and might even do the same toward you.
Blocking for instant recognition is not only a childish move, but it also kills off any chance you two have to get back with each other.
Is There Any Chance To Get Back Together?
That leads us to the second question: Is there still any chance to mend things between you two?
To mend a relationship, both sides need to work toward a mutual goal – Source: Unsplash
In some cases, your breakup might just be the result of an emotional outburst. Perhaps your ex is genuinely a thoughtful and caring person but many factors affect your relationship, leading to the distance between you two.
Of course, your ex has to show the dedication to work things out as well. That’s the utmost condition for your reconciliation. You should make it clear that the relationship requires effort from both sides, and if your ex is willing to fix past issues, there is no reason to press the block button. In the end, even the happiest, most satisfying couples encounter challenges that need to be sorted out along the way. This might as well be the challenge you and your ex have to go through.
Can You Two Still Be Friends?
This depends on the reason that led to your breakup in the first place. Some couples are simply not compatible for a romantic relationship, but it doesn’t mean they don’t get along. So you had some good times with your ex, but they were more in a friendly way? When the situation turns out like this, you can establish a good friendship, especially if the previous romance ended on a peaceful note.
Still, you shall need to ask yourself a few questions:
- Deep down, do you think you can ever have a romantic relationship with your ex again? In case you say yes, you are not prepared to be friends with them. The possibility of a new relationship with your ex will always be on your mind, and you’ll think more of them like a crush than a friend. To block or not to block, you should come back to the previous part.
- Is it possible for your ex to treat you as a friend only? This is another thing you need to make sure of. Otherwise, you will risk being bombarded with an “I’ll never give up on you” attitude. I assure you, it won’t be fun.
- Do you want to have your ex as a friend?
Provided that your answers to the above questions are no – yes – yes, congratulations! You can quit blocking your ex and enjoy your newfound friendship.
One thing you know for sure: No need to ask yourself these questions if you have a messy breakup. So your ex cheated on you or you two were in a toxic relationship? So your ex was abusive, indifferent, controlling, overly possessive, or tried to gaslight you all the time? Do yourself a favor and kick him out of your life for good.
Is There Anything You Want To Say?
As you go through the trauma of a breakup, you experience a storm of emotions. Only when the initial shock has gone, and you’ve time to heal and sort out the feelings toward them.
Sometimes a proper good bye will help you move on easier – Source: Unsplash
At this point, you might want to voice out some of the things that were left unsaid. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to get back. All you need is to face them one last time and fully put an end to this relationship. Blocking your ex on social media might take away your chance to do that.
So, avoid blocking your ex until you’ve thought it through. Only make the decision when you are calm and collected to save yourself from any regret in the future.
Do You Want To Maintain The Relationship With Your Ex’s Family And Friends?
Since you were in a relationship with your ex, there is a chance that you’ve got close to their family and friends. Cutting off all ties with your ex means you will risk those bonds as well.
When you block your ex on social media, you put mutual acquaintances in a difficult situation. Now that you two have parted ways, they might feel like they need to choose one side. If you really have connected to them, you might want to tighten your own relationships with them away from your ex.
However, you shall have to accept that your relationship with these people won’t remain intact in most cases. Even if you can keep in touch with a few of them and bring them along into your post-breakup life, they will always be a reminder of your ex and make it tougher to move on.
What Does It Mean When An Ex Blocks You?
Maybe you are not the one who blocks your ex. You just look at your phone and suddenly realize, “Oh wow, he blocked me!”. You don’t have a single idea of how and why it happens, let alone what to do about it.
Well, you probably have heard of the phrase, “If an ex blocks you, you won”. Those who said it had a point. In some ways, it means that the time they spent with you still sticks in their minds, and they don’t handle the breakup as well as they seem.
Let’s go through some of the potential reasons to understand the message your ex wants to deliver. There is only one warning, though: In case you are looking for a chance to get back with your ex, some of them wouldn’t sound so pleasant.
You Ex Wants To Distance Himself From You
Perhaps your ex is trying to move on – Source: Unsplash
Behind the need to stay away from you, there might be various reasons. Perhaps your ex is having a rough time looking at your profile. He doesn’t want to wait until you date someone else and can’t stand the fact that you have moved on while he is still suffering. Or perhaps your relationship didn’t end on a good note, and it just triggers him to see the evidence of your existence.
In the second case, blocking you might be a wise choice for both. Staying in each other’s friend list might lead to a worse fight than you two previously had. His decision might be harsh, but it saves both of you from unnecessary pains.
Either way, by blocking you, your ex indicates that he wants to move on and away, which is something you should respect.
Your Ex Is Trying Not To Reach Out To You
Maybe your ex still has a lot of feelings toward you. However, he acknowledges that you two have hurt each other to the point of no return.
He would see your latest Instagram post and realize that he desperately misses you, although it’s only been a few days since you two separated. All of the memories might push him to your doorstep and beg you to come back, but he knows that it is not the best move to make. Blocking you is the only way to prevent him from trying to contact you and continue the endless cycle of getting back and parting ways.
He Wants To Hurt Your Feelings On Purpose
The truth is that your ex might have blocked you just to make you suffer. He is well aware that you still care for him and that this behavior will cause you pain. After all, being blocked by an ex-boyfriend is never something we expect.
Knowing you so well, he knows that you will spend many days questioning his action. You’ll keep wondering if there was anything you could have done differently. He wants you to be sorry for the downfall of this relationship. Even if he was the one who dumped you, he still wants you to take responsibility.
When that’s the case, you can now grasp ‘If an ex blocks you, you won’ meaning. He behaves like a child and proves to you that he doesn’t deserve your last respect. What you should do right now is walking away from this relationship with your head held high: You are way better without him!
He Is Dating Someone And Does Not Want You To Know It
The last possibility is that your ex has a new girlfriend and does not want you to know. He might be trying to protect your feelings because he knows you still have a thing toward him. In most scenarios, though, he just wants to avoid all the potential dramas between you and his new love. Who knows, you might be suspicious of his fast move and accuse him of cheating.
That’s certainly something every man would like to avoid, even though I won’t say blocking you is very smart. It will just raise more questions and doubts.
So, How Can You Get Over A Breakup?
Whether it is you, your boyfriend, or both who decide to cut off the relationship, it’s time to begin your healing process. After all, the breakup turns all of your plans upside down: A life together that seemingly stretched out infinitely in its comfort, a shared home in you two’s favorite city, and who you wanted to become. Letting go and rebuilding your self-worth is gonna take a while, so just take it slowly and do it step-by-step. The tips below shall be useful for you along the way.
Getting over a breakup takes time – Source: Unsplash
Reflect On Your Past Relationship
You can block your ex to prevent your curiosity from turning into an obsession, but it doesn’t mean you should avoid every detail related to your past love. Juliana Morris, Ph.D., marriage and family therapist and certified professional counselor, says that many people tend to turn a blind eye to their hurts and pains, but that’s not the right way. In fact, the more you try to shrug off your negative emotions, the more likely they are to arise at the most unexpected time.
Just allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, including grief, hurt, anger, frustration, fear, and even loathe; face them, experience them and move past them. Over time, those feelings will fade away.
Furthermore, it is important to reflect on your past relationship from a rational perspective. Right after the breakup, you might find yourself replaying conversations, interactions, or events with your ex. As you are swept away by emotions, your mind can recreate a story with your ex being the hero and you as the villain. Be mindful not to let it destroy your ego because a healthy relationship requires two people working toward the same goal.
Strengthen The Bonds With Your Friends & Family
After a breakup, you can be more lonely and vulnerable than ever. It takes a village to help you pull yourself together and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead of struggling alone, create a network of trusted relatives, friends, or professionals who can provide emotional support. People around you will be there for you, empathize with your story, and support you in your healing process.
Seek help from family and friends – Source: Unsplash
Holding to the love and encouragement of family and friends will help you cope with the negative emotions that can occur after a breakup. It is beneficial to have someone that can listen to your thoughts and feelings in an earnest and supportive way.
Load Up On A Lot Of Self-care
As said, your top priority right now is yourself. When you spend a significant amount of time with someone and that person disappears from your life, it’s a significant change, and this change is not pleasant at all. Embrace yourself for having to go through it.
During this period, it is crucial that you make extra space for your mental health. Write down your thoughts, no matter how disorganized they are, and make sure to having something exciting scheduled so your day won’t become an endless abyss of introspection. Find happiness in doing things by yourself, meeting up with your close friends, or meditating. If necessary, go to therapy. Take the time you need to nourish your spirit as you work through the breakup and begin the journey of moving on.
Return To The Things You Love Doing, But Your Ex Didn’t
Remember how much you loved Japanese foods, but your ex refused to go with you every time? Treat yourself to a big bowl of ramen tonight, and enjoy the taste of liberation.
When you start dating someone new, you can easily put off a few hobbies just to spend time with that person. Now that the relationship is gone, it is time for you to pick them up again. You can go to the gym, practice the guitar, play board games, whatever you enjoy that you might have neglected while you were with your ex.
Go Out And Have Fun (If You Feel Like, Of Course)
Attending social events is a way to rebuild your self esteem – Source: Unsplash
Usually, the step of “go out and have fun” is after when you have reflected on your past relationship and sort out your emotions. Right after you two part ways, if you try to drown your sorrow by overdoing it on the partying, it will only serve as a temporary distraction.
However, when you are emotionally stable to a certain extent, accepting social invitations and joining the fun will help you reclaim a lost part of yourself that you couldn’t express while being with your ex. You might feel attractive and confident again, and realize that you can be single without being alone.
Still, if you are the typical introvert who doesn’t feel comfortable in social events, don’t force yourself. You can pursue whatever makes you happy and relieved.
‘Should I Block My Ex?’ – A Final Thought
Right now, everything might feel chaotic and painful for you. Still, it is crucial to go through the anguish of letting go so you can give this chapter closure and move on to the next page. Even when you two are no longer together, you can still treasure the relationship by sincerely wishing them well on their separate path and embarking on your own journey.
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